


Bestial Blues

by SnarkySoleil



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Petstuck (Homestuck), Anal Sex, Bulges and Nooks (Homestuck), Choking, Feral Trolls, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Pheromones, Threesome - M/M/M, Xeno, aka dave gets some cool dogs that end up being not dogs and also big sexy, as a treat, equius and karkat have shitbaby competitive fights, just a little, really light on this one just sayin, so you know how ostriches flirt with humans because they find humans more sexy than their own kind, who gets to touch daves butt first more at eleven
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:01:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26206081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnarkySoleil/pseuds/SnarkySoleil
Summary: Sometimes you get a shitty gift from a relative. And sometimes you get two wild animals as pets that are looking at you like you're breakfast. It's okay, Dave's got a squirtbottle.Created for Sloppy Seconds 2020
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas/Equius Zahhak
Comments: 6
Kudos: 38
Collections: Sloppy Seconds 2020





	Bestial Blues

**Author's Note:**

  * For [twofoldAxiom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/twofoldAxiom/gifts).



The rich aren’t famous for good decisions, and this only compounds itself when one’s famous sibling has a penchant for ironic joke gifts. So when Dave complained about how empty his new place in Austin was without an obscene amount of terrible puppets dropping down from the ceiling at all times, he really wasn’t surprised to find two snarling crates on his doorstep along with Dirk’s shitty holographic business card stuck into one of the slats. After poking a stick into one of the crates and having it pulled so sharply he almost dislocated a shoulder, Dave looked over the accompanying paperwork with no small amount of exasperation. He wasn’t a pet person. He especially wasn’t a “wild animal with dubious levels of unstudied sentience” person, but he couldn’t just call his bro up and insist on him taking the trolls back either-- especially not when the smaller of the two mewled so pathetically when he took the peanut butter jar he was bribing the pair into the garage with away. He wasn’t a coward. Plus, how much havoc could two four-foot gremlins cause?

Four attempts to build an escape-proof run for the two later, he learned the answer was so, so fucking many. Both creatures had numbers tattooed into their long, pointed ears, and a registration website informed Dave that the burly indigo named Equius not only was fifth in his litter of seven, but possessed the ability to lift up to a ton of material unassisted. He seemed to have a feud with the scrappy mutant as well, and while waiting in between each new construction crew for a fencing attempt Dave had to flip his sleep schedule turnways to spray the nocturnal nasties right in the fucking shnozz every time hackles started rising. Karkat himself seemed sickly at best, his fur patchy and ragged, but he could still spring like a possessed jack-in-the-box on a moment’s notice, barreling around corners on all fours before rising up and delivering the choicest of MMA spinkicks to whatever moved near him. Seeing a scorpion fly thirty feet in a shower of gritty dirt never ceased to impress, although Dave preferred them not landing in his now-nightly coffee. Which happened. Three times.

After what amounted to reinforced chain link fence sunk into the ground by ten-foot steel beams, the majority of the escape attempts stopped. Dave came out to the run as the sun started setting, just in time for Karkat to take a running start at the fence and let out a shriek as he bounced off the electrified links. At first the borderline-human screams had set Dave’s teeth on edge, but at this point he only rolled his eyes behind his aviators. Dave put a hand on his hip, sipping his coffee. “You wanna try that again, bud?” He spotted Equius’ bulk still hunkered in his concrete hide in the other enclosure, but his eyes reflected the porch lights as he watched.

Karkat spasmed once on his back before he flipped over, shaking dirt from his wild, curly mane. He straight up glowered at Dave before rising onto his haunches and then springing, aiming for a spot just to the right of his earlier attempt. He pinged off the fence again, rolling and hissing, and Equius let out a low rumble almost akin to condescending laughter. His wild flailing struck a rock poking up from the dig guard, and the troll howled as the rock sliced his skin. Dave pinched the bridge of his nose as Karkat crouched, holding his front paw to his chest with spindly digits curled into a shaking fist. 

“Great okay, glad to see your Jurassic Park tricks are bearing fruit. You’re so fuckin’ lucky I know how to stitch shit with the exotic vet like, a whole line around a Chik-fil-a across the state. Sit your little ass right down so I can show you the wonders of neosporin.” From what he’d been reading, troll anatomy was a wild mix of insectoid and mammalian, but a good portion of topical medicines worked about the same for them as they did people. Dave set his coffee down on the dirt in front of the enclosure, eliciting another territorial hiss from Karkat and a kick at the fence. Dave fetched his first aid kit from the guest bathroom, sorting through different luridly pink Hello Kitty bandages before fishing out some gauze and antiseptic. He let himself into Karkat’s side of the run, stepping well clear as Karkat snapped at his leg.

“Fuckin’ quit it, dude. Those nubby teeth aren’t doin’ shit.” Dave set the supplies on top of Karkat’s hide, and opened the lid of the crunchy Jiffy he’d brought out with him. “Come over here and you get the jar.”

Karkat’s nose twitched, ears flicking forward, but he made no move. He kept his arm tight against his body, fist clenched so tight Dave could almost hear the cracking bone. He cast a glance behind Dave, who looked to see Equius emerging into the setting sun and shaking out his own, longer mane. “He’s not getting you,” Dave said. “He’ll get turned into zapperoni and cheese just the same.” Equius feigned disinterest, looking down his long nose as he climbed on top of his hide for a better perch. 

Karkat didn’t move, pupils only narrowing into slits. Dave squinted, leaning in. “You’re bleeding, I’m not blind or--” Karkat let out an enraged shriek, uninjured hand gripping his shoulder as he shoved his injury behind him. His eyes didn’t break from Equius, and Dave let out a soft groan. “Right. Okay. Look, just because he’s indigo doesn’t mean he’s going to yank your territory out from under you. Or me, either.” God, trolls were so weird. Pheromones weren’t enough for those wacky bugs, they had to bring blood into it too. According to Karkat’s record, he was the only survivor of a mutant litter who’d been eviscerated by their broodmother the moment they hatched. “Look.”

Dave pulled a pocket knife from the first aid kit he’d brought, holding out his hand as Karkat flinched and pulled back further. Dave sliced into his palm, as shallow as he could get while still getting the point across with trolls’ notoriously poor eyesight. He raised his bleeding palm to Karkat, and he heard Equius grumble behind him. “Quit it,” Dave said, not even looking back. He kept his hand up and Karkat slowly uncurled from his defensive hunch and crept forward. Karkat glanced down at his fist before letting out a harsh noise from his nose, fingers uncurling and showing off the ugly cut dripping bright red onto the dirt. “Yeah, fuck yeah, dude. Twinsies,” Dave said. “Now I’m going to make sure neither of us get an infection, cool?”

Karkat let out a chirr in the back of his throat, the downy fur on his shoulders settling down a bit as he settled back on his haunches. Now relaxed he made grabby hands for the peanut butter jar, and made short work of it as Dave cleaned the wound with far less resistance than he expected from an only mostly-tamed animal. He wrapped his own cut as well, standing up and stretching before letting himself out from the run.

Equius let out a harsh chirp, making Dave turn back in time to see Equius make direct eye contact and grab onto the fence. He hung on for a good thirty seconds before letting go, glaring right at Karkat as he showed Dave the ugly burn left behind. Dave slid a hand down his face. “No. No, I’m not doing this.” He still unlocked Equius’ side of the enclosure, stepping in as Equius settled back down atop his hide. “I expected better out of you,” Dave said, pulling out the burn cream and starting to slather it onto Equius’s upturned palm. “I expect pity parties outta Karkles, not you. No offense, Karkat,” he added, mostly for himself considering these technically were animals for all their emotive capabilities. “Can’t believe the quote on quote highblood is going full kindergarten guerrilla warfare to get attention. Kinda pathetic.”

Equius shuddered as Dave spoke, which he attributed to the coolness of the burn cream. His pupils almost swallowed his irises as he watched as Dave doctored his hand, and his breathing hitched as Dave slapped some gauze overtop the burn. Behind him, Dave heard Karkat make a retching sound in the back of his throat. “Same, dude,” Dave said, picking his coffee cup up off the ground after leaving the run, locking the gate behind him. “Y’all are both nasty, though. Some are just nastier than others,” he added, indicating with a jerk of his head to Equius who panted atop his hide. “God. If you could sweat you’d be a fuckin’ swimming pool in July, huh Eq?” He shook his head, heading back inside.

The months followed solidified into calm, and the trolls started feeling less of a chore and more of a welcome addition to the home. Karkat’s coat started filling out after Dave switched their feed, forgoing the dry pellets they’d been sent with with some actual meat and fruit. He had to buy a whole cow and an extra freezer to keep the meat in with how much Equius could pack away in a day, but he too seemed to thrive under a proper diet. The territory disputes didn’t really stop as time went on, but the displays started looking a bit more superficial. Dave didn’t get woken up by Karkat harmonizing with the coyotes anymore at least, and the rowdiest activity actually seemed to limit itself to when Dave was outside.

Dave started letting the pair in the house after enough time, and only had to pay for the decision with one broken vase as Karkat chased Equius out of the bathroom where Dave had set some ice cubes in the tub for him to chill out in. Karkat seemed perfectly happy baskin on heated rocks outside, but Equius seemed to suffer whenever the heat climbed up into the 90’s even with his shady hide. The house seemed a better environment for Equius, and it would seem rude to keep Karkat on the doorstep like a mangy dog.

His bed did become a war zone however, as keeping the trolls out of the bedroom was borderline impossible with their opposable thumbs. Even though he finally returned to diurnal life the trolls still followed him to bed, snarling at each other as they tried to claim the choicest spot tucked up against Dave. Dave took to keeping a spraybottle on his end table, just in case Equius tired of him scritching his ears and tried to bully Karkat onto the floor again. Or vice versa, considering the attitude on Karkat.

Over time, the acceptance of his new pets gave way to discomfort niggling at the back of his mind. Everything Dave read confirmed trolls were smart, but no websites really accounted for just how  _ human  _ they acted. He kept finding Equius in the garage, less sniffing around and more contemplative as he worried over different mechanical pieces leftover from Dave’s very brief interest in car repair. Karkat seemed enraptured by the television, and just about bit Dave whenever he tried switching the channel off  _ The Mindy Project.  _ Dave started putting their food on the bar rather than the floor, and both picked apart their food with their claws before eating. Plus, the pair seemed to act like jealous teens whenever he was in the room, snapping at each other’s faces whenever Dave talked to one more than the other as if they understood.

Summer turned to fall, bringing a time of year that the internet had warned Dave about. While most trolls needed medical intervention to propagate, that didn’t stop trolls from going through a semiannual heat with the most prominent taking place in the autumn months. Neither troll seemed as if they liked each other however, and while they both started giving off a spicy smell from their necks he could never seem to get out of their fur Dave didn’t worry. If anything they seemed to stick to Dave’s side more, and half the time Dave woke up with Karkat’s clawed fingers splayed across his chest under his shirt as Equius pressed up against his back.

One night Dave woke to find his bed empty, and he peeled open his eyes as he squinted at the ceiling through the gloom. Part of him wondered what had woken him, and the other half of him waved a hand and declared it beddy-bye time. He’d just closed his eyes again when he heard a clatter from the kitchen, and a distant snarl.

Dave jumped out of bed, swinging up the baseball bat he kept propped against the wall just in case. Equius and Karkat’s fights tended to be loud and theatrical, and right now he could only hear faint growling as chairs scooted around in the other room. He sidled along the wall as sneaky as one could be wearing baggy sweatpants, peering around the corner. He almost dropped the baseball bat.

Equius had somehow managed to wedge himself in the narrow framework of a barstool’s legs, where Karkat kept him pinned bent double over his back with a hand pressing his forehead to the floor. Equius hissed, but the sound turned into a warbling moan, a straight up moan as Karkat thrust his hips forward. Dave saw something writhing between Equius’ legs, dripping onto the floor as Karkat dragged the claws of his free hand down Equius’ back and let out unmistakeable laughter, mocking and almost hysterical as he made his claim. The ubiquitous smell of pheromones lay thick on the air, and Dave had to shake himself to try and focus. 

Karkat leaned in as Equius scrabbled at the ground, and Dave knew he didn’t imagine Karkat absolutely whispering something in Equius’ ear that had the other troll simultaneously melting into the ground and letting out indignant chirping. Dave focused and found the chirps all sounded different, something he’d been learning over time, complex and unique and undoubtedly a language his throat had no capability of reproducing. No one had identified trolls as having a nuanced language of their own, but Dave found it hard to believe otherwise with the way they chirruped back and forth, a dialogue broken up only by the slick sound of skin slapping against skin before Equius moaned out a startlingly clear “ _ Dave. _ ”

Dave turned on the light, and both trolls froze in place. Equius tried at least, but squirmed and shoved his ass further into the air. Dave had never given much thought to the nakedness of trolls considering how they were classified as animals, but it was hard to not feel awkward now as he saw a glimpse of Karkat’s bulge emerging from Equius’ swollen nook. 

“...Right.” Dave cleared his throat, and Karkat’s ears flicked despite him not turning to face him. “Mind taking this outside? I’d say get a room but like, I got fuckin’ bat hearing and y’all are going to make a mess out of my housewife’s wet dream of a kitchen.” He still held the baseball bat but kept it loose at his side, still trying to wrap his head around the situation. He also tried to reconcile with the warmth between his legs, brain still struggling to decide how okay it was considering he wasn’t sure how sentient the two trolls were in the first place.

Karkat moved first, sliding off Equius’ back and heading towards the front door. His bulge, glaringly obvious between his legs, curled around his thigh, slicking the thin fur there into wet, reddened curls. Equius took a bit longer, panting more before knocking the chair to the ground with a crunch of wood. Dave rubbed his eyes as Equius slunk around the edge of the kitchen, as far away from Dave as possible. Dave cleared his throat, stopping both of their retreats. “Y’all pickin’ up what I’m setting down?”

Karkat and Equius shared a look before looking back to Dave, and Equius went crosseyed as his thick bulge started disappearing between his legs-- and not where it seemed to be supposed to go either. Dave took a breath. “You understand me? For realsies, no takebacks?”

Karkat’s tongue slid across his lips, and he considered the door before turning back and giving Dave a curt nod.

“Oh, shit.” Dave leaned against the wall, sinking down to the ground. The baseball bat clattered on the tile next to him, rolling across the ground before coming to a stop. “Fuckin’ A, I  _ knew it.  _ Oh, shit. The ironic fuckfest that is my life keeps digging down, huh? Can’t even get a pet without it turning out to be some horny actual  _ person _ , y’all get how that’s fucked up, right? I mean I had a suspicion and shit, considerin’ how you have stronger opinions about the Golden Girls than like, anyone else I know, but I still wasn’t expecting you to be doing kinky shit on my kitchen floor. You could’ve I don’t know, given me a headsup so I stopped hosing you down in the front yard or some shit?”

Karkat’s claws tapped on the tile as he waited for Dave to stop rambling, and he looked back to Equius. He said something in that trilling tongue, and whatever he said had Equius yelping out an offended response even as Dave saw a definite squirt of genetic material from between his blue-stained nooklips. Hetried saying something, the noise guttural and harsh before managing something almost audible. “Hhhhhrd. Haaaard.” He tapped his throat. “Sppk. Yr wrrrrds.”

“Right, right, totally,” Dave said. “I know they got you guys out of some asteroid thing, but this opens… Not even a can of worms, this is like the whole Bass Fishing Pro pyramid got fucking ransacked by rednecks and they threw worms all over the fucking boulevard.” Karkat started walking forward as Dave spoke, and Dave remained motionless as his brain kind of just overloaded. “Like, god, the worms are making their own civilization and demanding equal rights and shit now. Which I’m totally cool with, not gonna lie, but--”

Karkat tugged Dave’s sweatpants down, exposing his semi-hard dick to the open air. Dave hadn’t seen any movement but suddenly Equius was there too, eyes dark as Dave’s stick suddenly become the belle of the fucking ball with how the two trolls stared at it. Dave’s mouth went dry as Equius bowled Karkat with a toss of his head, horns narrowly missing the other troll’s face. Then he shuffled, seating himself in Dave’s lap and starting to grind down along his length. Unlike humans Equius chilled Dave to the bone, slurry cool against him as he rocked his hips. Karkat reappeared then, biting down on the other’s troll’s shoulder and shaking his head like a dog worrying a bone. Dave reached out as Equius growled, putting a hand on Karkat’s cheek.

“Hey.” His voice almost didn’t make it out of him, and he had to cough to try and clear the last vestiges of hesitation out of it. “Hey, want something better? I don’t… Uh. I don’t have whatever you’re working with, but you want to do the honors of fucking me?”

Equius’ eyes widened as Karkat let out a rapidfire string of chirps and trills, and he opened his mouth to no doubt complain before Karkat shoved the both of them forward. Dave wheezed as he landed on Equius’ chest, bent over him considering how even a tall troll like Equius stood a foot under Dave’s own height. Karkat positioned himself behind Dave, who tried to lift up in a panic. “Okay  _ no,  _ Karkat, give me a second to stretch out fffhaaaaaaough--” He let out an undignified spluttering as Karkat ignored him completely, his bulge already starting to worm its way between his cheeks and past his entrance. Dave yelped, burying his face in Equius’ lightly furred chest as Karkat pressed up against him, and thanked whatever gods watched his horny plight that troll bulges tapered so kindly.

In comparison to Equius Karkat burned, his bulge white fire that slowly worked itself further and further into Dave’s ass. Dave moaned into Equius’ hair, dick jerking as it stiffened to painful hardness. Karkat smoothed a rough hand down Dave’s side, with far more gentleness than Dave had seen him giving to Equius a few moments before. The pheromones thick on the air shifted, going from earthy and spicy to something lighter, something cherry-sweet wafting from Karkat in waves. Dave took a deep breath, breathing in the pheromones and melting as his muscles relaxed one by one. The bulge slid a further two inches to him with the lack of resistance, and Dave rasped as it filled him.

Equius’s lip twitched as he looked up past Dave, no doubt making eye contact with a smug Karkat. He reached down between both their legs, pulling his bulge out from his own nook with a lewd groan that vibrated against Dave’s bare chest. Dave took the hint and shifted, doing his best to align himself blind. After a few pathetic jabs against Equius’s thigh his cock found purchase, pressing up against Equius’s nook. Dave began rocking his hips as he found resistance, and the troll beneath him let out a long groan that transitioned into aroused whining halfway through. Honestly, Dave’s forays into one night stands with guys actually prepared him for the situation considering how Equius narrowed around him, needing far more stretching than a human’s vagina might. Dave kept his movements slow, or as slow as he could manage with the way Karkat started bucking up against his backside in an attempt to shove more of his bulge into him.

After a few minutes of thrusting and wet gasps Dave had fully seated himself inside Equius, whose face had fallen slack with pleasure as he let out an unending stream of helpless whimpers. Karkat kept speaking behind Dave, his tone low and dark. Dave couldn’t tell what he was saying, but every time he stopped to breathe Equius squirmed and clenched down around Dave. “Gotta teach me hhh- how to speak your birdsong sometime, Karkat,” Dave said, letting out a satisfied grunt as he thrust into Equius. “But I’ve got a feeling you’re a kinky shithead, Equius. You’re beneath  _ two  _ redbloods. That’s a thing for you, right?” Equius whimpered, digging his claws so hard into the tile he left deep grooves behind. Dave thrust again, harder this time. “Right?” Equius nodded shakily and then howled, still more genetic material spilling from his bulge and painting his lower stomach indigo. He kept making noise, a rough chant of repeated trills and whistling clicks as Karkat laughed with his breath hot on Dave’s neck.

Karkat bit down then, jaws on the back of Dave’s neck as he pressed the human down and fucked him. Dave almost choked as the bulge inside him twisted, sparks flying before his eyes as Karkat brushed him against his prostate. “Again, gk- god,” he said, gasping for air. He tangled his fingers in Equius’ mane, sweat dripping down his nose. “You- You… Do that again _god,_ Karkat. Fuck mmmme.”  
Karkat obliged, bulge twisting around itself and then stretching as far up as it could reach. Dave let out a strangled yell as it hit home, pleasure jolting through him in waves. Equius clenched down around him, and Dave felt a little thrill of fear run up his spine. “Oh ff- ease up-- I’ve seen what you can do to a concrete wall I don’t need you to fuckin’ squeeze my dick off.” Equius whined and tipped his head back, and while the intoxicating tightness remained Dave felt a little better about the future livelihood of his dick. He rubbed up along Equius’ hornbeds with clumsy fingers, making the troll purr unsteady in rhythm to Dave and Karkat’s thrusting.

Karkat growled as Dave focused on Equius, releasing Dave’s neck from his jaws and grabbing onto his hips. Dave fully expected the competitive piece of shit to fuck him six ways from Sunday but instead he slowed, hips stilling as his bulge began to twist in languid motions that had Dave’s toes curling. Man, he still had socks on. That was kind of tacky, huh? Did trolls care? They didn’t regularly wear clothes anyway. Whatever. Dave decided to stop caring as Karkat hit his prostate again, letting himself get lost in the motions as Karkat fucked him with a frightening amount of control and borderline tenderness. 

Dave felt his hand falling from Equius’ horn, only for the indigo to take his hand, placing it on his throat. Dave tried to adjust, moving his hand away back to the horns but Equius was more forceful this time, returning the hand to his throat and forcing Dave to squeeze. Dave let out a breathless laugh. “Sure. Sure, okay. Can’t get much weirder. Make some weird doorbell noises if you need out.”

He continued rocking his hips, and which each thrust squeezed down on Equius’ throat enough that the troll wheezed. Dave stopped feeling bad about it as Equius’ eyes rolled back in ecstasy, his bulge squirming between their stomachs. Karkat purred against Dave’s back, nibbling at his ear before chirping something Dave wished he could begin to understand beyond the whispered  _ “Dave”  _ that he caught ghosting against his cheek.

Karkat pulled out without warning, and Dave gasped as he was left empty and wanting. Karkat leaned over him, breathing harsh before he keened, bulge spasming against Dave’s lower back before coating him with something sticky and warm, dripping to the floor in thick rivulettes. Dave didn’t need much encouragement as he thrust one more time into Equius, and he grimaced as Equius raised a hand, gripping onto his side hard enough Dave could actively feel the bruise forming. Not wanting to leave the troll hanging he lowered a hand, gripping Equius’ bulge and jerking him off to a finish. Equius didn’t take long, hip rising and lifting all three of them off the ground as he let out a low groan before falling flat again.

Dave panted in the aftermath, brain all sorts of wobbly as he started absorbing exactly what had just happened. Just as he started feeling a little weird about it Karkat nuzzled into his neck, his stocky body vibrating with an almost aggressive purr. Dave shifted to pull out of Equius who hissed halfheartedly at Karkat sticking his tongue out at him, rolling onto his back and staring up at the kitchen ceiling. Equius scooted up against him, letting out a soft breath as he settled his head upon Dave’s chest. He bared his teeth at Karkat, only to let out a mortified chirp and recoil as Karkat flung a red speckle of slurry right at his face. Dave snorted, leaning back. “Kay. We’ll unpack this later, huh?” Karkat let out a dissatisfied grumble, tucking himself against Dave’s side. “But I need a fuckin’ shower.” He didn’t move however, and closed his eyes as both troll began to purr in unison.

The rich weren’t famous for their good decisions, but that didn’t stop their siblings from getting creative with whatever got thrown into their lap. Either way, Dave had a feeling the trolls were going to spend a lot more time inside after this.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for letting me write something a bit selfindulgent-- these aren't my most practiced muses, but I hope they rose to the challenge as enthusiastically as Dave's dick.


End file.
